Okay, I’m not going to tell you how many relationships I’ve had, lol. And I have found the need-to-know question is how to keep your relationship SEXY. Dating nowadays looks real crazy… if you wanna know my opinion on SEX and DATING check out my earlier blog posts “Swipe Right” and “Booty Call.” But what does a real relationship (dating) look like? Well of course it’s different for everyone. There’s too much going on nowadays, SMH. As I said, there’s something for everyone online. As we grow and life changes it may look differently from time to time. For me, as a teen, I changed boyfriends like I did my hairstyle, and then as a young adult, I just had to be married. But, I don’t see people making long-term commitments like that as much anymore, which may be a good thing or… maybe not. There’s NSA (No strings attached) FWBs (friends with benefits), Monogomous, Polygamy, living together, and let’s not forget chillin’ and ghosting. But, who’s to say which is better. I guess it all depends on where your head is. For shits and giggles here are my 6 LOVE HACKS to keep your relationship SEXY:

BE STRAIGHT ABOUT YOUR WANTS: Do you like variety or have a 3 chill maximum? If you don’t want to be in a 1 on 1 relationship… Let me get out my magic wand- BING (there you go) You don’t have to be. Are Preferences primary: Eye candy, Gangsta, sugar momma/daddy, tall, thick, muscular, experienced, virgin, intelligent, nymph, freaky, missionary/vanilla, BTSM whatever it is, say it!. Be clear and honest.

BE AUTHENTIC and GENUINE (be honest): TRUST is a huge issue. People have trouble presenting the REAL in the beginning. Don’t send your “the representative” to seal the deal and then let the real you be known… silly rabbit… tricks are for kids. That’s deception, which usually does not go over well. Lies are just a symptom of a bigger issue. Trust me, there’s no way to have a REAL relationship that way.

MAKE/TAKE THE TIME TO KNOW : How many times have you “kicked it” with someone and then you discovered that you really didn’t like them? Meeting people can be tough, but being “thirsty” will take you places you don’t want to be. It’s a problem. Think about that ^%$# before you do it?! Yes, “People come into our lives for a purpose.” But that doesn’t mean every meeting is for a relationship or SEX.

DTR (Determine the Relationship) ASAP: FWBs generally end up wanting more, for that reason (that’s the thing about sex especially if it's good.) You may avoid some mess if you just talk about what you are both expecting from this thing… determine what is before getting busy. But the trick is first KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT! For every “good” person out there, there’s at least 5 ratchet ones. Question is, what are you bringing to the table? Be careful what you ask for. You might“want” a Rolls Royce but can you handle the maintenance? How bout putting away the wish list and just seeing people for who they are instead of rushing in.

Get NAKED (as often as possible): Naked doesn’t just mean without clothes. It means without covers, without a mask or a shell. Being vulnerable is tricky. But you can only be real, and raw with someone you trust. And you have to know a person before you can trust them. Getting naked means I can show you everything, good, bad, and ugly and you’ll still be down. If you are not ready to get naked, you may not be ready for a REAL relationship.

WATER YOUR OWN GRASS (and protect your yard): Relationships must be nurtured and fed. Believe me, your yard will be dry, full of weed, and surely noticeable if you neglect to take care of it. Discover your lover’s “Love Language” and love them in a way that makes them feel whole. Because if you don’t, believe me, there is always someone in the cut willing to do what you aren’t. Compromise is good if it’s an exchange.

And lastly… end your year together by renewing your relationship for the new year. It’s not only romantic knowing it a must.

REAL LOVE can be messy, takes a lot of work, requires trust, and deserves your best SELF … BUT it’s what we all were made for.