“Self-love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full and your excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.”

Beau Taplin

You can’t pay anyone from an account with a negative balance how much more with love. (That’s mine.) We do some crazy things just trying to feel loved. Love is a thing you must already have on the inside to be able to give it away. I know sounds simple maybe even contrite… but it is soooo sooo true. Let me let you in on a little secret… and not all of you will receive this, but…

GOD IS LOVE. And you will never, never… hear me… ever experience love the way it was meant without Him. He created it, he knows all about it, and He knows how to instruct others to fully give and receive it. People who attempt to love without knowing God can be compared to entering a house through the window, yeah you got in, buuutttttttt… admit it, it wasn’t the best way, because it didn’t last. Real love lasts forever. You don’t fall into OR out of love. Love is a decision, a commitment.

I really want to be clear, when I talk about SELF-love (Philautia) I mean having respect for one’s self. I mean liking, caring for, protecting, catering to, occasionally splurging on, establishing identity and worth. But what I am not talking about is narcissism. A narcissist's whole thing is taking care of #1, first, primarily, only. But that is not AGAPE! That is a form of brokenness that can only be fixed through transformation of one’s spirit and mind (and forgiveness.)

If I were to ask you, “Do you love yourself?” Most people would say, “Sure, I love myself” but in all honesty have not actually taken the time to KNOW themselves. You look in the mirror and say I like this or I don’t like that about my body or hair… but I’m talking about the SELF, the real you, the inner man/woman. Go with me for a moment, yes… use your imagination. What if there was a knock on your door. And when you opened it found a very tall box. You drag it into the house and open it to find … A spot-on replica, a clone of YOU. After the shock and fear wears off you call it by your name and it comes alive. You spend a week with you, not tell me. Would you like, even love yourself? Or would you get on your own nerves, lol? What are the things you would do to make you fall in love with you? And could you handle it? Well clearly unless you can love yourself, it will be totally impossible to love others. The bottom line is, when you give and give from your account (your love bank) and you don’t get what you need in return… you have to make your own deposits.

Yes you can still love yourself and feel lonely. That doesn’t not mean you are alone. Go be with or Face Time people that love you and soak up their love. Go spend sometime with God, for in His presence you will find the fullness of joy and peace. Its the only place you can be YOURSELF and receive unconditional, limitless, love. And if you struggle to find your own goodness, and identity and worth… just have a conversation. You see, God knows you better than you do yourself and if you are open to hearing he will answer every question you ask. Here’s one that works: “God help me to see myself the way you see me? Its not off limits to ask: Why do I feel the way I do, or what wrong with me?” Or “Help me to love myself” Just get somewhere and be still, open your heart and give it a try... The conversations will change your life… I promise. In these ways you can LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF. Change your focus from looking for love to loving yourself. Get a journal to capture your feelings, hopes, prayers and dreams. Read books, talk to people, and practice, showing your own self the time of your life and before you know it, the love you’re hoping for will show up.

Books To Read:

Sacred Pampering Principles by Debrena Jackson Gandy

Esteemable Acts by Francine Ward

The Power of I AM by Joel Osteen