Ok, scooch up real close and let me tell you a secret. Fulfillment doesn’t happen by chance.  You’ve got to put some thought and WORK into differentiating your wants from your needs. My question to you is “How do you get what you need if you’re clueless?” If you want a good, better, or best relationship, ya gotta know what you want and need. And I recommend knowing BEFORE you jump into one. Don’t be a control freak but don’t settle for less than what you want or more than you can handle either.  

Remember that 78 item “What I want in a Man” list I made, and justified making?  I can admit now, there was a little bit of neuroticism and a lot of FEAR behind my whole listy list episode.  Truthfully, it was more about  WHAT I DIDN’T WANT more than it was clarifying what I did. Why is that important to see the fear? Because anything you do out of fear will torment you, or come back to haunt you. I am a firm believer that you get whatever you meditate on and talk about ESPECIALLY those  “never again” “I definitely don’t want” “hell will freeze over before..,” type of things we rant about. The more you worry and speak on these things… the more negativity you call to yourSELF. But the very fact that there is FEAR, a lump in your throat, a tumbling stomach or anger/bitterness when you talk about those things means you have UNRESOLVED ISSUES (aka baggage.)

 And if you have baggage, its unwise to start something new until you’ve rid yourSELF of it. Lean in and let me tell you this…If you’re not over your ex (still have soul ties, hurt or unforgiveness)  YOU’RE NOT CAPABLE OF HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. Admit it, you’re just not ready to date… sit on down somewhere before you hurt yourself or someone else (hurting people, hurt people.) Admitting is half the battle and then you’ll have some SOUL CARE to complete before you are ready for whatever is next.  Until then Uh-uh… don’t try it. Choosing right and pacing yourSELF is more important than you know.

Commitment Phobic  (C/P) people are definitely “pieces of …. work”  (thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you? lol.)  Clearly you never can judge people because you don’t know what they’ve been through but …. anyone who manipulates others for involvement, and resists conversation about their intentions has something broken or missing. I get some people don’t have the capacity or skills to maintain a long-term relationship, but running and avoiding points to a much deeper issue. Those folks who primarily “go with the flow” have no intentions. Anyone who is unable of articulate their intentions or set expectations at the beginning is more than likely looking for a feel-good, keep it loose time.  If that’s not what you want… don’t settle for it.  Be clear and be plain, and except nothing less than that. I’m hear to tell you, games get old.  I’ve seen so many games in my life… I’m like “You can’t play a playa - cause I’m up on the game.” But I honor other people. If they want to play games have at… just not over here, Playa. And that is how I honor myself… by not being for the okie doke.

Best SELF-Care Suggestions

1.       Spend time and get to know yourSELF, discover your wants/needs, likes/dislikes, negotiables/Non-negotiables

2.      Be open and in the moment, compromise if you must but don’t settle

3.      Look for connection, compatibility and chemistry, not items on “The List”

4.      Invest equal energy (that way you won’t get used)

5.      Don’t give (or accept) treasures too fast (This ain’t a layaway)

6.      Never try to change or fix people (potential is just that until its realized)

7.      Control your own pace. Never let anyone push you into going faster   

8.      Live your life, don’t wait for “the right person” to come along. Do what brings you joy even if you have to go alone

9.      Be Thinkful/Thankful (Think about all your blessings and be grateful)

10.  Breathe and smile/laugh (oxygen to the brain, and laughter is like medicine.)

My entire point for Bae Goal is to Love others by loving yourSELF first.  You are the Bae! My Dad says every heart has an “ear” in it.  Slow down and listen to your heart, find yourSELF, know yourSELF, heal yourself and prepare yourSELF for a healthy life, one you will love to live.  And guess what? You can’t … CANNOT … do it alone.

For Help, I got you, Click here.