Its 12:30am Friday night/saturday morning and the phone rings. The sexy voice on the line starts with, “Hey Baby whatcha doing…” Its the BOOTY CALL!!! Now, for females accepting bootys is seen by the world as a negative thing, where as for men making and benefiting from a call is a beautiful thing. It’s the old double standard. Society has crammed women into a narrow box. We are expected to be monogamous, being chaise, loyal to a fault… you know, to be a good woman. And we are supposed to be good lovers… uh but not too good… She is meant to be a PARTNER to build with, ½ the foundation of a home, an upgrade.  Too many “hit-it-and-quit-it” encounters, according to the world view are shameful and therefore decreases her value.  (Fffffff… the world’s opinion.)  But let’s be honest when females want intimacy and sex and romance … and she’s been in the relationship dessert, tumbleweed town, cricketsville, whatever … for a while, anything is better than nothin’ (pretty much.) Yep she’s thirsty but does that make her a “hoe” or “COMMUNITY BOOTY?”

Except for the minimal conflict one may face while pondering the religious and moral implications of allowing the flickering flame to burn unconfined momentarily, sex outside of marriage (which isn’t what it used to be) has become a satisfaction-driven instantaneous act. Hookin’up, Just chillin’ are acceptable social activities.   

But and I dare ask, what does sex (every once in a while or even frequently) do for and to a woman’s spirit, her mind, and emotions?  We all know what the bible says about “fornication,” adultery and sex outside of marriage… puts you on the path to HELL, true… but honestly how much weight does “someday in the sweet by and by” (or not) have on the pains of here and now?  Here’s a churchy question: Would you trade sweet eternity for temporary physical bliss? Don’t answer that… instead let’s get real…

What does the woman giving up the booty want? I would venture to say, she wants to be loved. That’s an oversimplified answer but the real question is - to what level is she willing to go in order to FEEL loved? The giving-of-sex-hoping-for-love thing will always be present, where there is BROKENNESS (and there are plenty of sharks following that blood trail.) Fix the brokenness and transform your prospective. Love is so much more than a hump and a pump.   

So, what about the No Strings, No Drama kind of girl making the booty call? She’s just like the rest of us, but in denial. She has a wall that says if I don’t connect, I won’t get hurt.  But it takes effort to have and maintain something that is real in order to make it last.  See that white picket fence, enclosing a beautifully manicured yard? How do you think it got that way, osmosis? Uh no… sweat, pulling, digging, planting, watering… connection and care.  You want sex but not love… something is broken, missing or both.  Fix that and you will transform who you are, how you approach love and also live life.  Don’t be fooled, love isn’t love until you give, for real.  Every time you give of yourself with a BOOTY CALL, you have to do damage control. You must readjust your heart, your prospective and your expectations. You must learn to NOT WANT, what you really do and what you NEED. The Booty Call is a game - a game that shreds the SELF piece by piece. Aren’t you tired of playing yet? When I said “Fffff” the world’s opinion, I meant that! It’s not what the world thinks about who you are & what you do… Its about how you see and treat yourSELF. What’s your worth, “$5.99 or something like that”? (Nod to Jill Scott). Next time you’re feeling a little spark and at midnight the phone goes RING-RING… RING-RING… RING-RING

What you gonna do? For more info on re-building the SELF click here.