Part of the whole reason I am screaming this Self-Development thing is because I think everyone deserves a HappyLife. Many years ago, the reason I started working with teens (and wrote 4SELF 101) was because I saw how hard they struggle with Identity. Knowing that all things come from who you are, the result of the pivotal switch-over woman were making from “housewife” to working Moms, was leaving a whole lot of kids in the crags of SELF-formation. As the old people used to say, “ it was just a crying shame.” For real for real, let me tell you what took me over the edge, listening to a 14-year-old girl talk about “chilling with her boyfriend” (on the couch under covers) and as she said “mom was good with it.” Though my face didn’t show it, internally I was like “WHAT THE HELL?!”
Even as an adult and single mom, I could shake it. Trying to give that mom the benefit of a doubt…I get working all day and “picking my battles” … afterall, wasn’t it better to have the little fast girl home instead of running the streets? Ehhhh, that’s stretching it too far… I can’t … on what planet is it ok to NOT PROTECT your young daughter’s virginity? And then be the first to holler when she comes up pregnant!! But then it dawned on me, a parent cannot teach what they themselves have not learned. How many teens, do you suppose, are actually raising teens (and winging it as they go along.) This is because they didn’t take the time to develop the SELF before jumping off into life. Ya want to know how to live your best life? Start by knowing THYSELF and to do that you have to prioritize time to assess and build your SELF. For some of you, you’ll literally need to reintroduce yourself to uh… your SELF. Coming to know who you are apart from your family, tribe and community is a deep endeavor. And then there is the discovery (or rediscovery) of your wants, needs, likes and dislikes… Dealing with your Monkies, inner thought life, and self-talk… You can get your step by step guide in my book, 4SELF 101. Do yourself a solid and finish the SELF work on your own inner-teen before dealing with your kids. Because if you want to know the truth, I’ve dealt with a lot of teens that were more mature than their own parents.
So, what does this all have to do with “The Bucket List”? The design of your life is molded around your purpose. Everyone has a purpose. Many of you already have a little listy- list. The younger you are, the more time you have, right? You can “afford” to be spontaneous or to take you time (orrr can you?) Certainly, older people have to be more strategic, but regardless of who you are and how old/young you are, purpose changes things. Knowing your purpose will change your view and it will help you prioritize (and be more efficient.) With that being said, YES OF COURSE, you should have crazy, fun, out of the way things on the list to accomplish and experience. As in Meet Joe Black (Universal Pictures, 1998), “Get some gooood pictures to take with you.“
How your list may change after knowing your purpose:
Before Discovering Purpose:
Bungie Jumping
Backpack through Europe
A Menag’e trois
After discovering my purpose (Restoring families)
Group trip to Europe (include parasailing, zip-lining and hiking)
Couples Massage
Night skinny dipping (with spouse)
Teaching Parents to spice up their alone time
Purpose is everything. And knowing what yours … cuts the fat (time wasters) from your life. Purpose, should guide your choices and goals. The point is, when you get to the exit door of your life and you look back… that last breath should be a satisfying exhale.
#Noregrets #noshoulda woulda couldas
For more info on getting your Inner-Teen under control get your copy of 4SELF 101 here. If you’re not satisfied with your life I can help, click here.