So, life comes, and it comes, and it doesn’t stop. One perspective is that that is a good thing, the alternative is to not wake up… But stress, my God, is stressful and draining! I’m here to tell you, raising kids as a single parent with little to no help is the ultimate definition of stressful. And for all of you in that position… hats off! Roseanne Barr said to (tv hubby) John Goodman in her sitcom yeeeeeears ago… “If your kids are still alive when you get home… I’ve done my job.” How hard is it not to be a toxic parent when you were raised by one toxic parent or both? If this is your deal and you end up parenting strictly by instinct… you will also exhibit those toxic characteristics. One must be intentional NOT TO BE what they grew up with.
I lived in “survival mode” for most of my children’s childhood. Barely hanging on meant living by instinct… and now that I think of it, ironically, I behaved just like the mother that I didn’t want to be like… minus the alcoholism. There were times I really, really did not like my mother. And I shuddered to think that my kids may feel the same way about me, hhhhhhhhhhhh. But now that they are grown, I am in a different frame of mind and I take every opportunity to discuss those days and beg their forgiveness. Crazy thing is, I don’t remember some of the things that meant the most to them. But for their sake, I give all my attention and try to bring them a healing interaction. There are a few things I am still healing from myself… being defensive may be a natural response but it is not helpful. Still, these are places even at 50 something I am still endeavoring to grow through. I don’t believe one should ever be stuck in the “That’s the way I am” place… for at that point… what is the point? Life demands movement, breadth, space, air, depth, passion and let’s not forget love, peace, and happiness (actually joy.) Want to know how to come back to center? Take a moment.
Schedule a little “me time.” Get somewhere that the sun can reach your face and sit right there. Close your eyes and breathe. Stop your mind from racing and feel, feel the space that you are in. In my mind I see Shug Avery in “The Color Purple” stopping to smell the purple flowers or Jet Li pausing in the rice patty fields to get caught up in the passing breeze… Don’t miss those moments. Grab them whenever you can because they feed the soul.
Parents create the moments that elicit joyful giggles from your children. Play in the snow, roll in the grass, jump in the waves with them. Remember your inner child and bring it out to play with them every now and again. Here’s an idea… USE YOUR IMAGINATION. And here’s the part you should know… enjoy that time, because when it’s gone you can’t get it back. The residue of regret will always have its place. But love and live and laugh, and breathe and sing and dance like no one is looking. Roll your bread into balls, blow bubbles thru your straw, eat a PB & J like a chu-chu train, make funny faces and tickle your kids till they almost pee. Why? Because these things make you laugh, and laughter is like a medicine. Get some… it’ll make you feel better.