The POWER of SELF-Love

“Self-love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full and your excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.”

Beau Taplin

You can’t pay anyone from an account with a negative balance how much more with love. (That’s mine.) We do some crazy things just trying to feel loved. Love is a thing you must already have on the inside to be able to give it away. I know sounds simple maybe even contrite… but it is soooo sooo true. Let me let you in on a little secret… and not all of you will receive this, but…

GOD IS LOVE. And you will never, never… hear me… ever experience love the way it was meant without Him. He created it, he knows all about it, and He knows how to instruct others to fully give and receive it. People who attempt to love without knowing God can be compared to entering a house through the window, yeah you got in, buuutttttttt… admit it, it wasn’t the best way, because it didn’t last. Real love lasts forever. You don’t fall into OR out of love. Love is a decision, a commitment.

I really want to be clear, when I talk about SELF-love (Philautia) I mean having respect for one’s self. I mean liking, caring for, protecting, catering to, occasionally splurging on, establishing identity and worth. But what I am not talking about is narcissism. A narcissist's whole thing is taking care of #1, first, primarily, only. But that is not AGAPE! That is a form of brokenness that can only be fixed through transformation of one’s spirit and mind (and forgiveness.)

If I were to ask you, “Do you love yourself?” Most people would say, “Sure, I love myself” but in all honesty have not actually taken the time to KNOW themselves. You look in the mirror and say I like this or I don’t like that about my body or hair… but I’m talking about the SELF, the real you, the inner man/woman. Go with me for a moment, yes… use your imagination. What if there was a knock on your door. And when you opened it found a very tall box. You drag it into the house and open it to find … A spot-on replica, a clone of YOU. After the shock and fear wears off you call it by your name and it comes alive. You spend a week with you, not tell me. Would you like, even love yourself? Or would you get on your own nerves, lol? What are the things you would do to make you fall in love with you? And could you handle it? Well clearly unless you can love yourself, it will be totally impossible to love others. The bottom line is, when you give and give from your account (your love bank) and you don’t get what you need in return… you have to make your own deposits.

Yes you can still love yourself and feel lonely. That doesn’t not mean you are alone. Go be with or Face Time people that love you and soak up their love. Go spend sometime with God, for in His presence you will find the fullness of joy and peace. Its the only place you can be YOURSELF and receive unconditional, limitless, love. And if you struggle to find your own goodness, and identity and worth… just have a conversation. You see, God knows you better than you do yourself and if you are open to hearing he will answer every question you ask. Here’s one that works: “God help me to see myself the way you see me? Its not off limits to ask: Why do I feel the way I do, or what wrong with me?” Or “Help me to love myself” Just get somewhere and be still, open your heart and give it a try... The conversations will change your life… I promise. In these ways you can LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF. Change your focus from looking for love to loving yourself. Get a journal to capture your feelings, hopes, prayers and dreams. Read books, talk to people, and practice, showing your own self the time of your life and before you know it, the love you’re hoping for will show up.

Books To Read:

Sacred Pampering Principles by Debrena Jackson Gandy

Esteemable Acts by Francine Ward

The Power of I AM by Joel Osteen

The Perfect Fit

We’ve been on this journey to discover LOVE, right? And when I really look at it, Love is quite natural the ELEMENTS. You’ve got Storge, Momma’s LOVE is like the EARTH it keeps you grounded... gives you a foundation and gravity. Without Storge, we’d be struggling with boundaries and just all over the place. Then you have Philio, the brotherly, friend type of love. It’s like WATER that quenches and refreshes the soul. Then there’s the FIRE of desire with Eros or Erotic Love. And now we are headed into Part Two of Agape which is like airs that sustains life (#WIND). 

Remember the creation, Adam who was designed, fashioned, and artfully sculpted by the Giver of Life. Hu”MAN”kind was beautiful and perfect in every way. And then the Creator and Father kissed him and breathed the breath of life into his lungs... MAN was completely activated and came alive. This a picture, the type, The Example of the 1st Love experience, and we all have had it in a similar way. Conception, gestation and birth pretty follows the same original formula since the beginning. Of course, science has made advances to overcome challenges in all areas from fertilization to birth. There's a passage that says:  

When I was being formed in secret, it was You who knit me together in my mother’s womb, and formed my innermost parts. I am skillfully and intricately made. Your eyes alone have seen my unformed substance. My soul knows quite well. When I awake each morning, you are still with me. This is PERFECT LOVE. When I was not yet what I am going to be... He loved me. We are Love’s designed. The right substances were together and then literally knit and held me together in our mother’s womb. And when moved from one environment to the next, given the equipment to adapt. On our birthday, we’re given the breath of Life, which goes on and on sustaining us everyday that we live. Now that’s love. Even if that were enough, there is soooo much more. Chiefly an unconditional, relentless, fiery, motivational, creative and sustaining, inhabitable love that satisfies, fulfills, takes care, shelters, protects, and supplies... Forever. You are right, no human being can give that kind of love. IT IS SUPERNATURAL. And although it is freely given (and available to all) the cost is more than you or I can afford. The good news is... the price has already been paid. You can find the map and instructions on how to find and get this treasure in the Bible, start with the book of John, read the whole thing. And don’t miss John 3:16. For the X that marks the spot, end with Romans 10: 9 & 10. Then it’s on you.   

The easiest way is not to run when you hear the “knock on your door” … the door to your heart. Trust me your day is coming, this One standing on the other side has your answers, but most importantly has the ability to fill your LOVE Void.  My question to you is... do you believe in REAL LOVE? I know, with everything that is going on in the world today, it’s hard. But it does exist. Get yours today. And if you need help... I’m here for you. CLICK HERE 

Oh heyyyy? The last stop on our Love Journey is SELF – Love, #Philautia. And you’ve heard it 1000 times... How can you love anyone else if you can’t love yourself. The trick to loving one’s self is to first KNOW THYSELF. And let me say, if you work hard enough, anyone can love themself, but my last question is: How can you truly know SELF if you’ve never asked AGAPE? So do that first and meet me back her next week for our last installment on LOVE. PS don’t run from this, it’s for your making.   

LOVE SUPREME

I have literally been obsessed over LOVE for a very long time. I’m not talking about stalking someone due to a break up I wasn’t ready for or that sex was so good that I couldn’t get enough... although I’ve been there too. I’m talking about the whole idea of having and maintaining a healthy love relationship and what makes them tick. I can only guess that it started with the divorce of my parents at around Age 3. What I understand partly from personal experiences and partly from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see below for the links to blog series) is EVERYBODY needs loves. In fact, there is a “love shaped” void in each of our hearts that need, need, needs to be filled. Loneliness is a real MF-fer (sorry just being real) especially during Spring time, and during cold winters nights. Consequently, the pursuit of love can just take over everything. I’m mean it’s not hard to make “finding love” an idol. When you pour all your attention, your energy, hopes and dreams into a thing it becomes a god in your life. Let me be clear, if the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, even before thanking God for a new day, is check your Instagram, Facebook, TicToc or .... dating app? And you do that religiously… Just saying, that could be worship. I get though, I’m not judging there was a time in my life swiping left or right was my thing, morning noon and night. First thing in the morning, I thanked God for waking me up as I reached for Bumble. Man, I remember when I was out of a job, all that I could think of was getting a new one. I meditated on the situation and money I wanted, location, the duties and the people I could meet… yeah I was obsessed, it was my momentary idol. So, I’m not judging, just calling a spade… a spade.

Anyway, let's get back to the pursuit of love... With COVID, and now Monkey Pox, it’s made it even dangerous to be out there looking. Have you noticed how hard we’re hit with EHarmony’s (ranked 2nd after Zoosk), advertising January 1, as if finding love is the way to start a new year off right (that and working out, so we can attract the new love…) smh. They know EVERYBODY needs love, and the more desperate one gets, they may even pay money for more options. People feel the pang of loneliness and so they seek and seek to fill the void, but the truth is, not everyone has the capacity to have and hold onto healthy love-relationships. Why? Because we are ALL jacked up in one way or another. Who hasn’t been hurt by love? Most girls with the “Absent Daddy Syndrome” give sex hoping it will turn into REAL (and lasting) LOVE (#Agape). I mean if you’re looking for Pragma (enduring love) and you get Eros (erotic), or Storge (family) or Philia (brotherly), for example having amazing sex only to be FRIEND-ZONED, or ghosted… man that stings. And if you have enough toxic interactions/relationships, the damage is like a computer virus on your hard-drive that distorts all memory, making you wonder if good love even exists anymore (#brokenness.) What worse than seeing an old “Playa-Playa” still in the game… you know the one, with his shirt open to his belly-button exposing gray chest hair and a chain (and wearing a pinky ring). Man I just want to say “Fool, go sit your old God-father a$$ down somewhere before you break a hip.” But I digress… There are so many retarded, brain and heart damaged folks (see the last blog post: ) out there serial dating when they have no business looking for the next victim. A person can have 100 different sexual experiences and it doesn’t mean a damn thing if they never end up with REAL and lasting Love. Talk about lonely and bitter! The problem is we know what LUST, but we misunderstand what REAL LOVE is AND we don’t know how to find it. Well lets start from the beginning… Agape is primary and SUPREME to all other forms of love.

REAL LOVE IS….

Unconditional, Consistent and Never ending, its pure, it always hopes for the best. It’s never envious of other people’s good, doesn’t brag about their own achievement or seek their own honor. It builds others up, does not shame or disrespect others their failings, or struggles. Always seeks the best for others. Love never takes offense or is easily irritated. Its patient and kind. It joyfully celebrates honesty. Never takes failure as defeat... it keeps trying and never gives up. Love never stops loving. Perfect love is a SAFE PLACE and it never fails. You can find this list IN A BIBLE (www.bible.com) @ 1 Cor 13:3-7

And NEXT WEEK I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO CAPTURE AND KEEP IT FOREVER.

4SELF Blog Series: Hierarchy of NEEDS

Blah Blah Blah: Mouth to Ear Dis0ease, Danger Danger Hmmmm, Love Me Long Time, Shattered and Unworthy, Self Aware