Thankful to BE ME

We’ve all been through a lot, especially during the last 2 years with this pandemic stuff... but looking back we each have a story to tell. And through our journey together it has been my pleasure to post things that have hopefully made you laugh, groan and hopeful grow (and I will continue to do so... God willing.) And I think we are each at different stages in our SELF journey. You could be anywhere from SELF-loathing (I hope not tho) to arrogant narcissism... but my goal is to get you to a health place in your SELF-esteem.  

So during this time of Thanksgiving, I want you to, grab a Bible and read 1 chapter each day.... start with the one corresponding with the day of the month. For instance you will read Proverbs chapter 12 today and 13 tomorrow and so forth. Do that for 30 days. And journal what verse stood out to you after each reading. Now I know, some of you are uneasy with religion. This is not a religious thing... this is taking a spiritual path to SELF-introspection. You can pray to a head of lettuce for all I care... I am only interested in “breaking down” some of those doors that have your REAL SELF locked behind them.  

And then Sunday morning, the top of a new week, when its quiet, and you have time to think... I want you to write down 3 things that you’ve struggled with and 3 things that you are thankful for.  

This is Me 

Over my lifetime I have struggled with loneliness and “feeling loved.” And getting to the roots have been like peeling an onion... had/has several layers. One thing that has really just bugged the hell out of me, since my boobies started developing, is being judged by my looks and not by my intelligence or the content of my character.  I am truly blessed that I have good genes. My mother was a tall, modelesk and elegant queen and my father was one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen (and boy did he look good in a uniform!) Shout out to all of our Veterans, thank you for your service.  

Part of my issue is that I was a daddy’s girl, who left my life and the neglect, the emptiness and rejection that resulted.  And I felt for a long long time that I was either “too much, or not enough” for most people. But TODAY... I don’t give a flying S^%T if people like or love me... or not. I’ve worked hard to be the best I can be, and I like the person I am. And as the daughter of the MOST HIGH, I realize that in and of itself gives me VALUE, WORTH, and even BEAUTY (inside and out). No stranger or acquaintance has the power to put me in heaven or hell, they don’t pay my bills, and couldn’t change anything of substance in my life so … their opinion holds no weight over me, period. I have the power to have whoever I want in my life and I choose to have those who bring good, build me, love me, encourage and strengthen me. There is no room for anything else.  

My ex-husband said to me last week, you are the strongest person I know. But the truth is I have been through and suffered a lot , which without those experiences, I wouldn’t have the wisdom I do or be the person I am. And I don’t give those pearls to everyone... so I am rich beyond anyone’s imagination. But when the opportunity arises, or a door opens I gladly share. End goal... that God be glorified because in my weakness He has been very strong in me, and through me. And I love that! 

So, when I look in the mirror, for the most part, I love what I see: someone who has been through hell and back and STILL LOOKS GOOD! 

in this season, take intention to strive less … just BE WHO YOU ARE. You can tweek your words, your SELF-talk, but don’t go overboard conforming to other people’s expectations. If you struggle finding something good about yourself, just ask someone you love. But if your SELF-love is in the toilet... you know, I can help you get out of there, CLICK HERE.  

Thankful for SUPER-POWERS

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Phew! We made it through the haunted house season! Did you take my advice and go through your house? Did you find the courage to access those dark spaces and rid yourSELF of skeletons and ghosts that have been lurking around? Well good... and if not there’s no time like the present. If you’re like me, you’ve looked up and have realized the year is on a sharp decline. Before you know it, it’ll be 2023. Let’s not carry that ole S&^t into the new year! Promise me... 

I have to admit going into those dark spaces that have been log locked... and dealing with dead things have taken some work, riiiight? Even though some of us are stillll dealing with things and life may not be all that you hoped it would be by this late date... things could always, hear me, always be worse. So there are things you can be, should be... MUST BE thankful for. That’s right we’re heading into the  
Thanksgiving Season. And even if you don’t celebrate... what should be called “Indigenous People’s Day” - ya shouldn’t wait to one day of the year to BE THANKFUL! Since tomorrow is not promised to any of us, every day you’re above dirt should be a thankful one... just saying. But... for the next 30 days, I want to walk with you on a short journey of “being grateful.” And I’m gonna need you to dig deep... Let’s not be thankful for being pretty, in shape, having better hair, car, or clothes than others, or having a cute boyfriend or girlfriend... that’s so … so... shallow. Let's think on... be THINKFUL about things in our world and push to be seriously thankful. And I want you to be verbal... be intentional about speaking it out. I want you to be UNAPOLOGETICALLY great... So, I want to start by saying: I am grateful for POWER. I have the power to bring what was dead back to life, speak those things which are not into existence, to give freedom-keys to those on lock-down, to create beauty from ashes, to bring light into darkness, and to change bad to good ... POWER! It’s a power, everyone could have except for fear... 

Marianne Williamson said this in her book Return to Love (HarperPerreniel, 1992 )  

“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us we ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you NOT to be? you are a child of God. You're playing small doesn't serve the world.” 

My superpower, and yours, is to be who God has created you to be (your highest, best SELF.) You may not be all that you want to be YET, but honey, if you’ve been walking with me... You've grown. Be thankful that you are no longer the person you used to be... you know, back in the day when ya did something stupid that should’ve taken you out! Look you are still here, be thankful! If you are still in a dark place... PLUG-IN and turn the light on!  

Are you in a place your decisions have brought you, got an addiction, feeling stuck like Chuck, experiencing downtimes or bad luck, were things going good, and then boom... whatever it is (remember: things could always be worse) just PLUG-IN, and get the POWER TO CHANGE – and then bust a move.  

Imma be really honest, things are bad for a lot of people and continue to be so because their “talk is raggedy.” And I’m not just talking about what’s coming out of their mouth. Life and death are literally in the POWER of the tongue (there’s that word POWER again.) What about your SELF-TALK? We do more internal talk than we do speaking out loud. Start paying attention to what’s going on in your head. Wanna change your world... change your talk. Wanna change your talk, change your thoughts.  

How to change your world 

You change your world by renewing your mind. How do you renew your mind? This might sound a little cheesy... but I promise you it works... #1) Read the Bible. There is a reason this book has survived for over 2000 years, it’s supernatural. Start with Proverbs, there are 31, read 1 for each day. And every month something different will pop out at you. And #2 (and this works best when you’re worrying) “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Bible) And it will bring light into your world.  

Seems simple, I know... but it’s not. Try this for the next 30 days and watch it not only affect your mind and heart, it’ll change your world too.  

For more on SELF-TALK pick up your copy of 4SELF 101 here. And if you need a little help putting it all into practice... I got you CLICK HERE 

Monsters and Doors

Haunted Houses are fun right? You never know what you might find in the dark and cobwebbed rooms... creepy music, peeling paint, blood, and guts. Oooooo I shiver even now just thinking about it. Fun right... yeah, not so much when you live there. For the last couple of weeks we’ve been talking about the “house” of our body (mind and spirit), and the many rooms we have there that are filled with experiences that shadow our past, control how we think and act in the present and project themselves into our future and causes the “what if” type of fears. #Skeletons-in-our- closets that often torment us and keep us stuck.  

The huge misconception is that demons don’t exist... and that is why we lose, stay stuck, and aren’t progressing because you can’t fight (or exorcise) a figment of one’s imagination. To illustrate a common happening we all overlook:  

I knew someone... ok let me be honest, MY EX-HUSBAND, was afraid of the dark. When we were first married, he used to have NIGHTMARES. He’d toss and turn, and I would hear him laboring to call my name. And in the morning, I’d ask him... Dude, what were you dreaming? He said it was a dark figure (the devil) laughing at him and tormenting him AND HE COULDN’T WAKE UP. So, he would struggle to call my name so that I would hear him and wake him up. Creepy huh? And years later after we remarried (long story) I’d come home from hanging out with the girls to find every light in the house on... he was still scared of shadows and things that go bump in the night. Imagination, ghosts, or something moving in the night? Yes... all of it. Well, I can’t pick on him too much, I don’t like sleeping with my closet open.  

Speaking of doors, we’ve all seen those old scary movies where there was a huge creepy house with those long corridors that got longer and longer when the character was scared and walking through... There was always at least 1 room with a locked door – and the whole story was about finding out what was in there. And to tell the truth, many of us have had experiences that we’ve gotten through and refuse to go there again. So, we’ve locked the door (vowed to never reopen “that wound again”) and have gone on with our lives. But the problem is... there are demons (monsters) behind that door, which stay with you (subconsciously) until you deal with them – EXORCISE THEM.  

Let me give you a chilling fact... strong emotions that we let linger on and fester like:  

Anxiety, extreme fear, shame, envy or jealousy, lust, The Poverty Mindset, rejection, abuse, and extreme anger can open a door to monsters that can come in and control you. For instance, unforgiveness and anger morphs into, hatred, which morphs into wrath and revenge, and finally into... Murder. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re gonna “go postal” or Columbine... but most often people that have been emotionally attacked (where they felt like dying) often go on to do the same to others. My point is, when you experience emotional trauma (that you can't let go of) you open a “spiritual door” to monsters. Like Dracula, he couldn’t come into the house until the poor unsuspecting (and vulnerable) person invited him in (and then he had a “legal right” to dwell there.) Spirits, ghosts, and demons are the same way, it’s warm and cozy in that room... why leave unless forced to.  The problem is, they are there and will hinder your success and moving forward if you let them stay. Eventually, when the right circumstance presents itself, THEY WILL MANIFEST. And when they do, you will find yourself doing and saying things you didn’t intend to. Many of which, you can’t take back. Some people actually “lose time” and actually cannot remember what they did and said... if that’s you, it’s time to clean house. Now, I have to say... this is not something you can do by your ONESY. You must have help. So Imma give ALL of you an assignment. 1) Go back and read last week’s blog, it will give you steps to start. 2) Find someone (with credentials) to talk to such as a Therapist, Counselor, Life-Coach or a (real) Minister with experience in “deliverance ministry” to help you clean house and GET FREE and Lastly, Be Thankful that you have made it THUS far.  

And let that feeling of thankfulness and joy not only carry you into the rest of the holiday season but let it be the pathway for the rest of your life.  

Peace and love Anji 

The Ghost of Regret

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Halloween is fastly approaching, even though we don’t wait until then to surround ourselves with things that make us go bump in the night. It seems like we enjoy haunting things... and special effects, stories about exorcisms, and dark magic (tv is filled with witchcraft stuff) are now the norm. And we don’t often talk about real-life things that get a hold on us that we can’t shake. This week we’re gonna open the closet door and get a real good look at one of those things... REGRET. Know what just popped into my head, Gina Davis in Beetlejuice hanging from a rope in the close. Otho opens the door and just pushes her aside and just continues on his mission. That’s regret for you, really there haunting your house, but we just learn to live with it. The problem is most of us don’t really know WHAT regret is, it’s actually:   

“A sense of loss, disappointment dissatisfaction OR a feeling of sorrow or REMORSE for a fault, act (inaction), loss or disappointment.” (Dictionay.com) 

Psychologists and Educators Zeelenburg, van den Bos, Dijk, and Pieters talk about the outcome of several experiments regarding the impact regret has on one’s thought processes in their article “The inaction effect in the psychology of regret” (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, PubMed, 2002). They found more regret was attributed to negative outcomes especially those that occurred due to an action or inaction. And I think we’ve all been there. Raise your hand if any of these applies to you:  

Not buying that stock for that new computer company in the late ’80s / early ‘90s that turned out to be. Microsoft? #regret.  Ever gone someplace that you had a nagging feeling not to and something bad happened? #regret. Ever bought something on Amazon when your electric bill was due, but you weren't sure when and your lights were shut off, #regret. Ever had a hot and heavy chill session and the person turned out to be crazy, #regret. Ever had too much to drink and you chose to drive instead of taking an Uber and you got pulled over by the police, (or worse), #regret. Ever resigned from a job for a new one that turned out to be worse? #regret. Ever spend 5 years of your life in a dead-end relationship? #regret. Ever. Get married and find out you were better off single, #regret. Ever cave to “a crave” and then realize that it wasn't as good as you thought it would be, #regret. Ever not set a boundary and have it used against you? #regret. Ever loan somebody money and they shop, party, get their hair and nails done, dine out and travel but “never have the money to pay you back” #regret. Ever give someone a second chance and they take advantage of you again. #regret. Ever said something in anger that you couldn’t take back, #regret. Yep me too. And then the SELF-talk is crazy... “STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.”  

Professor of Psychiatry Jay Kim Penberthy. With the University of Virginia. Talks about the Psychological effect of regret. And how it can be all-consuming? When we have choices to make and we don't make the right decision and it comes back to bite us in the ass. Some bad decisions we’re stillll dealing with. That thing is like a ghost... haunting us every time we think of it, causing depression, fear... even lack of SELF-trust, which then causes SELF-loathing. I’m telling you REGRET is real. Oh, and the effects are like icy octopus tentacles, fettering you to negative past experiences, paralyzing you in the present, and immobilizing you from moving forward in the future. One good example is dating.  

Past: You’ve had too many toxic or dead-end relationships  

Present: Fear of reacting negativity, Avoidance behavior (or just feeling stuck) 

Future: Sel- Sabotage … just unhappy and don’t know why 

HOW TO EXORCIZE THE GHOST OF REGRET 

I know, regret is kind of hard to deal with, well for 1, it just makes you feel bad. But if you don’t deal with regret, it stays right there, it may be quiet for a minute, but it ain’t going anywhere. But every time a similar situation appears, you will automatically be possessed with the fear of the past reoccurring... And fear don’t let you think straight. Stress and fear, and anxiety just aren’t good for the brain and body. And you want to know what’s worse than that... the guilt that comes with regret. This guilt will make you do things you don’t want to do and say things you don’t mean... just because you don’t want the negativity and hurt from the past to overcome you all over again. So how does one get rid of regret? 

1. Honestly assess the situation  

2. Think about who you were back then (Intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually). And whether you’ve changed or grown up 

3. If you haven’t changed/grown up, you’ve got SELF-work to do 

4. Forgive others for not having your back (if applicable) 

5. Most importantly FORGIVE yourSELF (for action, inaction, or making bad decisions) 

5. Apologize to people you hurt. If impossible to reach, write a letter 

Forgiveness is huge, especially when it comes to SELF. Give yourSELF time, and space to grow and do better. Having the conversation with others will not be easy, but it is tremendously rewarding. Don’t make excuses, just be real, apologize and mean it! You never know what forgiveness will do for that other person. They may be struggling with depression, hurt, guilt, or fear of their own. A real and meaningful apology has the power to free you from guilt, manipulation, and any negative connection. Now... here’s the caveat... If you meant your apology and the other person does not receive it... that’s on them. IT’S THEIR MONKIE – YOU BE FREE! You can’t control how other people feel, but you can move on with your own life!  

The ghost of regret will never go away on its own. Giving it a little time never works. You must address it. And if you need help, as always I got you CLICK HERE. 

For more information on Monkies, Forgiveness, SELF-talk, and getting unstuck get your copy of 4SELF101 right here (it’s not just for teens.)  

Haunted House 2: The Ghost of Memories Past

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Welcome to the 4SELF101 Haunted House blog series... MOOOOHAAAAHAAA HAAAAAAA... Today, I want to talk about the house of mind. In our mind, we have many rooms and there may be a memory for each room. Memories of the Good Ole Days (#BackInTheDay). Memories of Mom and the relationship (or lack thereof) you had with her. Rooms of good times, rooms of bad times, and the same for your father and every other relationship and experience you’ve had. I can imagine the many doors, remember the movie “Monsters Inc.” (Disney/Pixar, 2001.) Certainly, every highlight and every trauma has a door too.  

It’s sad to say but if you have never had an awful or horrifying thing happen to you... keep living. Life brings so much... The good, the bad, and the ugly. Things from the past, that are dead and gone often linger on, like ghosts from the past. And these things tend to clog our minds and affect what we think, what we do, and how we respond to people & things in our today world.  Ever heard the saying,  

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”  

― Lao Tzu 

Our minds are more powerful and more sophisticated than any computer that was ever built. So, the things we carry in our minds, we think, we meditate on, we speak (even self-talk), we manifest (create or draw to ourselves). We record the many experiences we have had, like a file on the hard drive of our mind. Let’s think of those files as rooms – kinda like the hallo deck on a Star Trec ship. Some rooms we visit regularly on purpose like “The glory days.” But other times we find ourselves just there... revisiting traumatic and hurtful times more than we should. With our hand on the door knowing what lies beyond our fear or pain-inducing moments, that had us trapped. These places are the ones we vowed to never return to... The crazy thing is once we actually got away, we didn’t demolish it, we only barred the door, and put a yellow “CAUTION: DO NOT ENTER” tape across the entrance. And does that stop us from entering those haunted and dark places over and over again (even subconsciously)? NO... Some of these rooms are too painful to enter... they hide roots of hurt, abuse, molestation, or the loss of a loved one. I get it, I do, but if that room affects every other room in your house, it must be dealt with AND CLEANED OUT! Ghosts, demons (and even MONKIES) are hiding … that cause you to respond to life, people, and even yourSELF in mind-blowingly unhealthy ways. Those roots, which you probably don’t know are even there produce rotten fruit that you eat, feed to, or throw at others. And rotten fruit stinks and attracts flies, worms, and parasites.  

So, if you are wondering why you attract the same old dirty dogs, friends that use and abuse you, and rotten circumstances... check your rooms.  

HOW TO CLEAN OUT YOUR DARK ROOMS 

I’m not kidding you, this may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But I promise it’s the pathway to a healthy, fulfilling, drama-free and happy life. 

  1. TAKE THE TIME... (pause) to look over the milestones of your life. 

  2. Journal: Capture in detail the events (even the tough ones)  

  3. TOUGHEST OF ALL: Forgive those who hurt or abused you (Forgiving sets you free. It doesn’t say what was done was ok... it breaks the chain.) 

    Forgiveness only begins the cleaning process. But sometimes there are things you can’t move (or remove) without help. Sometimes time doesn’t heal, and no amount of yellow taped, barred doors or “positive thinking” helps. GET A THERAPIST, COUNSELOR, and/or LIFE COACH.  

  4. During the cleaning, invite God into this place to spiritually sweep clean the dross, the cobwebs, and to bring back alive what killed in you. Besides, when the demons come a-knocking again, and they will, you will need a SuperNatural presence to answer the door and declare: YOU MAY NOT ENTER HERE!      

For more on “Monkies”, the power of forgiveness, and controlling your Thought Life, get your copy of 4SELF101 here.  

For help, as always, I got you! CLICK HERE 

Haunted House: Haunted LIfe

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Halloween is fastly approaching, where Americans will dress themselves (and their children) in witches, wicked clowns, goblin costumes, etc and party the night away. Over 2,000 years ago on October 31st, All Hallows Eve, the Celtics believed that the veils between our world (and the spiritual world, sometimes known as the 4th dimension) became very thin. They specifically had dark and cloaked ceremonies where they sacrificed crops and animals to deities that would no doubt endue them with knowledge of the future and allow them to speak to the souls of their dear departed loved ones.

Although we Americans have tried to lighten the mood and sometimes dress in funny, cute, endearing costumes, exchange candy and have fun… don’t fool yourself to believe the original intent has just cease to conduct the real activities. Witchcraft (casting spells), demonic summoning and psychic activities still do continue. But in our world today… these things have become common place. Do you think people wait until October 31st to Halloween it up? Noooooo… now they just call it… being “spiritual”… A RELIGION. Why call it spiritual, because its spiritualism or deals with the spirit realm, which is very real, believe it or not.

Ever been to a haunted house? There’s something intriguing, even invigorating about not knowing what’s around the next corner. Bumps that make you jump, screaming and unnerving noises that makes your skin crawl… It can be very very entertaining. But if you knew something very real was lurking in the darkness just beyond your view was waiting to capture and imprison you, would you go that way or avoid it at all costs? Sometimes we’re the one in the horror movie, in a very dark house, walking towards the killer… saying “Whose there?”

In the next couple of weeks we are going to explore some Haunted Houses, primarily you’re own… and we will crack open our own closets and hopefully address a few dead and rotting skeletons of our own. So rock with me. Let me lay this foundation for you before I bounce…

You have heard me talk about us being 3 part beings. Many people believe, as do I, that we are Spirit, that part that comes from God that gives us life. We have a soul, the place where our Mind, Will and Emotions live and they live in our BODY, also know as a HOUSE. The old church people say, “One day this house will wear out and we will leave it and go onto glory.” In case that confuses you, that last breath at death is leaving our house and moving on to whatever is next. Glory, is that place where you meet God (I believe every RELIGION will get you there.) But what happens next will determine where you will spend the rest of eternity. I don’t know about you but I’m a little nervous about seeing my life played out for all eyes (in Glory) to see… and then being judged for it.

Our house, has many rooms. Think of it as being a mansion with a wing for your childhood, one for your teen time and another for your adult life. What might you find in your rooms, both darkness and light. What doors have you opened and allowed … spirits to come on in? And what walls have you built? Where have cracks and holes developed.

Clearly everyone of our houses need a little renovation. Some issues you can addressed through DIY (Do it yourself) efforts, but some things cannot. You may need professional help… whatever it is, lets clean house to get ready for the holidays.

Join me for the next couple of weeks as we tackle a little SELF renovation!